You can title it however you want

Things are much much harder now. I feel hunger..pain..but all that is just physical. Nothing is able to heal the pain in my heart. I lost my son! For the first time I felt so many emotions. There was grief, anger with the person who killed him,  frustration,  and anger with myself for my past decisions. For the first time I felt my body tremble as I touched my son’s lifeless body. The blood was flowing. I called out his name..I screamed his name…but…no.. there was no response. His eyes did not look into mine like it did the first time I held him. I ran, scampered, stumbled like a mad man. I could not groan anymore as my insides hurt. I coiled myself hoping that that would stop the thoughts of my son running to my brain..no it didn’t. I wanted to kill myself but I didn’t have the strength to do it. I cannot explain what was happening to his mother in this time. Why did this all happen? Is this why I was created? To see all this and go through all this pain? Surely there must be a way out. A treatment for the pain inside. If only I had not disobeyed that day. I still fantasize about those few days. Hmmm….

I was not sure what was happening. I felt something in me opening…not sure what it was..I sensed it was bright..it took some time for me to be exposed to this various colors and light..but now I could see clearly. I saw this Person. He smiled at me…but there was something about Him that humbled me. He was the first thing I saw. If you saw something so majestic, all you would want to do is fall on your knees before Him. He helped me up…for a longtime I couldn’t take my eyes of Him. He then, put me in a place which was a treat to my eyes. For the first time I saw colors I had never seen before, I heard different sounds…there were different types of land below my feet…some of it were soft and fine, some hard and I saw this glistening, crystal surface. It captured my attention…I kept my feet on it and I fell in! It had a soothing, refreshing effect on me. There were these creatures which I have named fishes which came and bit me in the sides. That tickling feeling made me laugh and I tried to get away from them and again came out on the hard surface. I turned and looked back into  this flowing surface which I later found out is called water….I saw an image in those ripples like no other! I kept staring at it and when I tried to touch it, it moved…just like how I moved. I move my hand and the hand of the being in the water moved in the same way…then it struck me…for the first time…I was looking at myself…*speechless* *silence*….how wonderfully I was made!!...the sharp features, strong arms, swift legs ….. the perfectly symmetrical ear lobes.. .. I knew I was made to order..in the best possible way..because all the animals, birds, sea creatures looked different..it made me respect and stand in awe of God once more…surely I must be the crowning of all that He had made…There were other creatures which moved like me but they were very different from each other and from me. They came close to me and I would pass my hands through it’s fur. I enjoyed it. And I know they enjoyed it too.  … I saw this creature called monkey reach out and pluck a fruit and eat it…I remembered God telling me to do the same too! He also said don’t eat from one particular tree. Now that I think of it, that was the only thing God told me not to do. It did not matter. There were so many more trees to eat from! I saw this nice colorful fruit and it fit perfectly in my palms. I took a bite. Did  not know what to expect after that. My teeth sunk in and it gave a mesmerizing crunching sound! And suddenly the liquid stuff in my tongue increased its secretion! Automatically! The more I chewed this fruit the more juice it gave out was treat to my entire body! For the first time I felt taste! I realized that I was chewing faster and faster to have some more. There were so many more trees… in fact I started playing a game trying to guess the taste of each fruit by it’s appearance…

Days went by….I enjoyed the time I spent there..observing, learning, exploring, working… sometimes I felt that having one more component would be nice..but I did not know what it was… maybe I should spend more time with the animals or trying newer plants.. twice a day God would walk with me…or I should say I would walk with Him. These were definitely the best times of the day..I would learn more about Him so that my respect and worship for Him would increase. I would long to spend that time with Him. One day..He put me to sleep.. this was different from the sleep I usually have..it felt very long and when I woke up it took some time for my body to regain strength and for my eyes to focus..and I saw her….for the first time…I have never seen her before…I stared at her..and she at me..we walked towards each other and slowly stretched out our hands…I wanted to touch her and see how it felt ..it took forever for our hands to touch but when it did…I felt a tingling all over my body..I was touching someone of my own kind! I could not take my eyes of her….Now I knew what was missing…The joy that I had showing her around the place…the birds, the animals…the trees…water!..I enjoyed seeing her see all this for the first time and give expressions of surprise! I feel that’s how God would have felt when He saw me see His creation for the first time… great and inexpressible love. The next time God came, He smiled at me to say I knew what was missing in your life…here… I give her to you…to be with you. You both are one now. Who is this God that I am unable to describe Him? I can completely lose myself in Him….everything that has happened in my life has meaning only because of Him! Now He has given me Eve. I love her because I love Him and she loves me because she loves God! I am unable to imagine life without Him.

Days went by… we enjoyed doing life together…helping and learning from each other…The time that we spend together are priceless memories. God would still come twice a day to meet us. Now we would learn from Him together.

Then came that day which I would do anything right now to undo. …the day that wants to make me kick myself. Eve faltered. She was talking to that cunning serpent who made her eat the fruit….I don’t how she could do it… We both know that we shouldn’t eat from it just for the reason that God has told us not to do it. Where was the respect due to Him? I did ask her why she did it….after a very long time….she broke down…the guilt was too heavy on her. Sobbing, she told me she ate it because she saw that the fruit was good for food, pleasing to the eye and good for gaining knowledge…then she screamed and said….for a moment, after doubt crept in…I forgot about God and ate it to please myself Adam…and ran behind some bushes in tears….I broke down too….She ate it to please herself…I blindly ate it to please Eve…why? Why did I do that? Why at that moment when I was about do wrong not even a single thought about God came to my mind? Our lives have changed after that. Immediately I felt different. My body felt different as if the freshness has gone and inside I felt heavy. Both of us felt different from each other…the first time we saw each other, we could not take our eyes of each other…but now we could look at each other…there was something very uncomfortable and awkward…we ran away in different directions…I was not sure if I can be open with her again..and felt the same thing about me too…we used leaves to cover ourselves otherwise we could not look at each other…and then we heard God’s voice…the walk that we enjoyed so much with Him…now we could not face Him…I could not see Him…”Adam, where are you?” ..thundered His voice…No…I could not hide from Him…neither could I hide what had happened….I do not know how God felt when He sent us away from the garden…but we felt anxiety…will we get food again, fear of the future, can I trust Eve? Why had some of the animals become dangerous now? They were killing each other and a tiger tried to kill me too! Did all this happen just because of eating a fruit? I think it came upon us the moment we disobey the Creator…

Life is hard now…just a few minutes ago a thorn cut my thigh while I was working…but nothing compared to the pain of losing a son…how I loved him..I have lost count of the number of times he has slept on my shoulder…to bury his dead body was gut wrenching…Is there a way I can redeem myself now? Is there a way I would be able to spend time with God again? At His presence? I don’t know…If something should restore that relationship, I cannot do anything…God it’s upto You to save me…save my descendants….